It took me a long time

 I’m 35 , soon turning 36.

Today I am proud of myself. Finally. 

But it took me so many years to get to this state of mind.

I wish I had realised this earlier, that self worth does not come from how many achievements you make, or how nice you’re to people or how good you look. It comes from a sense of accepting oneself for what you are. 

I kept on showering kindness on others (some deserving and some not so much) but could not find it went I looked inwards. For myself the standards would always get higher and even on achieving them, a nagging thought would always say but they will always choose the more beautiful one, they don’t like you because you achieved it. 

There are a lot of straight thinking human beings who won’t identify with this everyday mental struggle.

But today out of everything I’m proud to have put an end to this inner struggle of decades. 

Yes I have a crooked smile and a pockmarked face. Yes I’m again somewhere very new trying to learn something from the scratch .  Yes I make mistakes everyday. 

So what ! But now I don’t speak negatively to myself, I don’t put down myself and certainly don’t feel the need to be someone else. 

The realisation that I’m at my best when I’m not trying at all is amazing. So here’s to being my comfortable best.