Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Carpe Diem !!!

Do you know what Carpe Diem means ?

I knew at some time , and then chose to forget it like all the mundane words which I hide in some
cobwebby corner of my mind .

Carpe Diem !! is an exclamation used to urge someone to make the most of the present time .

To live in the moment is to be what we are .

All the cells , molecules and every step of our lives have conspired to put us right where we are .

To not sieze this well  thought after moment would be foolishness .

And yet , day after day we choose to forgo it .

Many years ago, one of my friend's google talk status read " I take a new birth with every breath I take".

I had thought "Oh! how energetic of him" and also what happens to his past births then ?

psst : I am notorious in confusing berth and birth , which has resulted in many a funny conversations .

What if we were all butterflies and had just one day to live .  What is the one thing we would do ?

I for one would love and shout at everyone at once . 
I have this fear that I have never been able to express to near ones how much I actually love them . 

Under all the well practiced pretense of "I can let go very easily" , lies the memory which is suddenly evoked after many years . 

When people leave us , they often leave happy memories behind . 

I"ll always remember her smell and not her dying breath when I remember my granny .
I"ll always remember her baby steps and not her dying flesh when I remember my dog .
I"ll always remember the fun when climbing trees and not the trouble when caught cheating with friends.
I"ll always remember her smiling welcoming face and not the spat we had when I left my best friend .
I"ll always remember the para gliding and not the tears when we vacationed to Goa .
I"ll always remember us talking  about our favorite books and not the mean words we said to each other  .
I"ll always remember how I missed my father when he was gone and not the scoldings when I would misplace things.
I"ll always remember the laughter and not the tears .

Carpe Diem , my friend , sieze the happiness in you and keep it in you . 
Sadness ought not to be yours . You have to find your happiness in what fate has assigned you to.

What would you do if there was No Tomorrow ? What would you really really really do ?

Take the shortest flight back to India
Eat the food you really want to
Profess love to the one that got away
Hug the person nearest to you
Write a long ass apology letter
Actually & Really Love yourself .

Take a pick my friend , the moment is yours to seize !!!





Sunday, February 5, 2017

Unworthy

Unworthy is probably what my cousin thought he was before he tightened the noose around his neck.

A staunch advocate of fairness , I would immediately discard any view that the youngest child is the most loved .
My parents themselves instilled this in me , though sometimes I would think my brother did receive more affection thanks to an illness , not terminal.

It is now, that I realize people like him more because of his nature .
He analyses less , talks normally to most and when angry does not respond.

I am far less developed , letting the heat in my head guide me many times .
 The prospects of the future are also bigger in my head , whereas my brother is quite steadfast .
On the outlier it might appear that he did not plan anything , but both of us are fairly where we wanted to be , planned or unplanned.

I have a lot of cousins , but not in touch with most. Moving from one place to another , our nuclear family was all that we had .  We would've been friends with our cousins , but mostly our ideologies did not match.
We were brought up in different worlds , our conversations would be about Dexter's Labratory and Backstreet boys and theres would be something different . I am sure they were thinking the same about us :)
In these times , it was always "us" against or Vs them .

And then there was this other set of cousins . Just like us , not living with the rest of the brethren .
They were easier to relate to , spoke a similar language, had similar mannerisms.

Among this set was my youngest cousin . Who, younger than my brother , was obviously always a baby for me . All my notions of fairness would go kaput when I would think of these babies .
One near to me , the other far .

Its been a year since the youngest cousin passed away.

All I could think of that time was maybe I could not show him all the love .
That he thought that we were unworthy of his presence here .
If only he had someone to talk to , I would not be writing this post.
In his death , I feel the rejection which he might've felt when deciding on it.

It's been a year since he has moved on , and all I can think is that how many times I have let go of people without making them feel their worth.

Death is a surprise when it is not expected and some deaths teach us how unworthy we are all for not treasuring each other.