I would completely and truly agree with you if you don't wanna read this post after the boredom you've had to tolerate in the last one. My apologies. I don't do very well by pretending to be a "writer" ( hello! aren't they those funny people who keep on writing how loser like life is or how the world is a sucky place to live in and neither am I one of the few good ones who really write what one likes to read) alas!
So here I am confessing about something that I know people who don't know me wouldn't care about :)
Trust issues - Belief issues. I was never the kind who went on liking people just the way they were. I felt very less, cared even less. I remember someone once say "Oh Yes she's always very careful of her image" THAT was really long time ago, and back then that comment had made me proud.
It seems that I'd been building on that image for many many years. I didn't take people seriously, rather never paid heed to others, it was always whether I was doing the right thing , the 'correct' thing or not. And in that confusion I often overlooked what people around me were doing. Enjoying life!
People move on with time, I used to move on with friends, it's like each friend would come with an expiry date and then I'd move on irrespective if I'd 'moved' away from them or not.
I wanted to be smart, confident but most importantly perfect. This is what happens when we don't stop to notice others how imperfect and scared and normal everyone else is.. And when you don't notice others you don't know.. that a lil bit of 'normalcy' is normal enough.
Perfection doesn't exist. The most bitter way to learn about it is to lock yourself up in a house only with books. Its then that one realises how lonely one is and in spite of the fact that one lives in a colony with a 100 kids, most of whom don't recognize her.
Things became much easier when I realised what I'd been doing wrong. Off late I've also understood how important it is to do what one really likes and not being trampled by so-called notions of self-righteousness. They kind of occupy too much of memory space.
And ever since I let go, I have met the most wonderful people, they might be anybody.. the maid with two kids who makes your coffee just the way you like it, that friend you have who's herself going through a breakup but would cheer up in a mo' , that friend who pushes you to get out and get going or simple them friends who like you just the way you are :)
Btw I've been in total admiration of my brother, the only guy in this world to have the patience to teach me football, basketball and load of sports knowing very well that his didi would never probably even attempt them, its through him that I've learnt that all love needn't be superficial, that its OK if his gf sends him a "khana kha liya" sms ( totally not due to the fact that she sent gajar ka halwa for me) and that somebody can hate maths and still teach me "looping". hehe!
The simplest and jadu ka nuskha wala cheez is I don't need to change or hide any of what I already am. There is absolutely no need for any superficial image or a glass house around me because jo achhe hote hai sooner or later unke saath acha hi hota hai.
If there's one mantra that I've seriously learnt it is to start believing - in yourself coz then you wont be worried about what others think about you and start thinking that these people you like, that they and the happy times you've spent with them will be with you forever...