Saturday, July 12, 2014

Lost in the way

Today's blog is about all the things which I was very sure about .

When I was a kid , I was very sure about what I wanted
The answer was simple, I wanted to be rich.

I did  not just want to stare at the pretty pink frocks , but really be able to buy them.
I wanted to taste those three tiered cakes for real.
I wanted to buy the whole box of Camlin crayons .

Something told me that it would be frivolous to want such wants from my parents.
So I used to store these little wants in my head for future use.

Yes I still remember the shop which used to sell those three tiered cakes.

Someone along the way put it into my head that being a good student enables you to be rich and since I was already more intelligent than others of my class , I was quite sure that those dreams would be achievable.

I did toil hard , I did not care about some of the things which other children did .
But I loved my friends too, it pained me to see them separated from me each time.

Then I had a crush and thought maybe this time I could let go of my surety .
So I answered some questions with the wrong answers so that the kid I liked would score more than me.
I thought its all right.

As I grew up, and the kids of my class started turning up to be more intelligent than me , my wants also waned. I could do with a smaller set of crayons, frocks did not matter any more and after all I was doing it all for friendship.

Someone once called me deluded.
They were right in doing so.

I was deluded into believing that I was better than the other kids .
Then I deludedly thought that my failures were somehow precious stones in the crown of friendship.
Scratch the last line .. it seems so immature.

The surety has somehow gone and replaced with a bag full of air (read hope)

I am not sad or low , but there are a few times when I take a long hard look at what my life has shaped up as .. from an outer perspective.

Lost I am for sure but I still remember the three tiered cake and the glass wall in between.


vanilla sky said...

Loved the post :)
I guess we are all going through some sorta phase and just hoping that somethings wont matter in the distant future.

Gomzi said...

u have just grown up.. material things dont matter to u the same way as others. and u r definitely one of the most intelligent persons i know. dont mix intelligence with the ability to rote answers although u are quite good at it too. what u need is a long vacation..:)