To Amrita of 2009,
I know that you've been worrying. you feel sad when you shouldn't, you've been acting in a completely opposite way to what you've been feeling. The bad thing is that you've been acting quite great and no one seems to notice anything amiss. But don't be sad, coz' life will turn out to be quite different than what you think. Fortunes will turn, friends will be found and woes will be got rid of.
I know that you are fed up with all the thinking and all the planning and all the doing and all the dreaming about how things will end. How the sun will truly shine when you get yourself back.
I know that you feel bad that things turned in a way different from what you thought, that sometimes you feel that theres a hole in your heart.
But I also know that even in all that murkiness, you are trying hard. Trying hard not to be superficial, to be tactful and careful about what you say and what you do. Trying very hard to keep up the mask that is not you.
But also remember that one fine day it"ll be gone, that day you will find your strength without the need of hiding the person you are. It is difficult but believe me, that day will come. When you will feel good, when you will know what you are. Just remember you dont need anyone else. When you know who you are for your self worth, everything else fades back into oblivion.
Those who make you feel bad by pointing at your weaknesses are nothing but scum and scum dont have happy endings.
Albeit it might take a lot of time to get what you want, but when you do and heart of heart even now you know that one day everything will be just the way you've wanted to, that day you"ll realise that winning a small race is nothing compared to being the winner in the end.
However, do not ever let the search of being a better human being be diminshed. Things change, people change, circumstances change, just rememeber that sometimes its very important to spell out what you dont like. Every turn in life will present something new, just try not to be too surprised by them. Acceptance is the key to peace.
And honey,keep it up and if there's a load, just lift it up and throw it out ;)