Eye Mask

I feel like writing about many things ... But each of which would be limited to a para....
so here comes a series of short blogs .

Has it ever happened to you , that you buy something seemingly innocuous and it ends up being the best purchase ever?

I have been using this eyemask for the last month and a half and am completely besotted with it!
An eye mask is a black patch like thing used to cover up your eyes against harsh lights.

For someone who has to travel frequently by train and gets little sleep due to forgetful, read inconsiderate co passengers, this invention is a boon.
Earlier I used to get irritated and would sometimes scowl when people would leave the door ajar or light on ,but now dude its like I don't even care ... Let there be darkness and my eye mask is to the rescue! :D

A confession , I love this silky thing so much that I have used it sometimes for a weekend afternoon nap as well .... Oh the feeling of siesta totally sinks in with this one .

Another added advantage is that it totally stops those small hair thingiesfrom flying into your face ...

So, those of you who are thinking what a silly post ... Dude first try then read it again
.. Waise bhi main awai kisi cheez ke bare me rave nahi karti ;)

Happy sleeping fellas ;)

Beyond...

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
 and rightdoing, there is a field.
 I will meet you there." - Rumi

Left - Found

Though the rest of the movie Finding Fanny was a quixotic take on life (nothing is what it seems), the only thing which I shall remember it is Dimple's expression when she sees her painting.

It correctly encompasses how one feels on being left.
It is the feeling which one gets when  one has hoped and heaped her hopes on someone only to know that once the use has been finished with, there won't be any use of her.

She knew how it feels to love and then be left
and she understood it once again .. this time it took her lesser time to understand.

If I knew of one word which would describe this feeling which all of us have felt at some point or the other I would use it ... and then forget it .

Why is it that people care for those who don't care for them
and don't care for those who care about them.

Why does something have to be left for it to understand your importance.

Lost in the way

Today's blog is about all the things which I was very sure about .

When I was a kid , I was very sure about what I wanted
The answer was simple, I wanted to be rich.

I did  not just want to stare at the pretty pink frocks , but really be able to buy them.
I wanted to taste those three tiered cakes for real.
I wanted to buy the whole box of Camlin crayons .

Something told me that it would be frivolous to want such wants from my parents.
So I used to store these little wants in my head for future use.

Yes I still remember the shop which used to sell those three tiered cakes.

Someone along the way put it into my head that being a good student enables you to be rich and since I was already more intelligent than others of my class , I was quite sure that those dreams would be achievable.

I did toil hard , I did not care about some of the things which other children did .
But I loved my friends too, it pained me to see them separated from me each time.

Then I had a crush and thought maybe this time I could let go of my surety .
So I answered some questions with the wrong answers so that the kid I liked would score more than me.
I thought its all right.

As I grew up, and the kids of my class started turning up to be more intelligent than me , my wants also waned. I could do with a smaller set of crayons, frocks did not matter any more and after all I was doing it all for friendship.

Someone once called me deluded.
They were right in doing so.

I was deluded into believing that I was better than the other kids .
Then I deludedly thought that my failures were somehow precious stones in the crown of friendship.
Scratch the last line .. it seems so immature.

The surety has somehow gone and replaced with a bag full of air (read hope)

I am not sad or low , but there are a few times when I take a long hard look at what my life has shaped up as .. from an outer perspective.

Lost I am for sure but I still remember the three tiered cake and the glass wall in between.

Rattled

I am rattled today and I can contain it no more.
There is the good , the bad and the ugly but there needs to be some outlet.

If there is no outlet then all of it pents up and will burst open.

So here I write and write away my feelings .

I feel a hatred and an anger for things which rattle me.

Every time I hear someone saying "hairs" , its like nails screeching on a chalkboard, I am no grammer nazi but when did people learn to say "HAIRS" , its collective HAIR

Bollywood is not what it used to be, people just make all sorts of movies which give no joy .

I don't know how people ease into it , but I hate the caste system ,  I hate the stupid beliefs ,  I hate that people think that veg food is pious and non veg is not. I think it is their brain which is a vegetable.
I believe in God and respect him for making everything around us & us , but I do not for even one second believe that he made any other rule than being a good human being. I even hate the word "caste" I hate the word hindu , I hate the word muslim I hate all such words I hate the word brahmin I hate the word shudra .

I hate it when some guy with an IQ below average can ping me with a "Hey hot girl" and think he can act fresh !
I hate it when such guys think that flirting is an OK thing to do . (does anyone in this world actually even want a proper relationship)

I hate it when people say "wo studious type ki hai , use pyar me interest nahi hoga" why ? do only dumbos have the right to love ? :-/

The knowledge that however hard I work , I wont be held in same esteem by my seniors as their favorites ,disgusts me.

I hate it so much when people assume that people from "bigger" places are chalu. Place badha ya chota nahi hota , dil hota hai. In fact , I hate even using the words "big town small town".


I hate it when people judge without testing or themselves experiencing the same.

I hate it that I still have to converse with some of my crushes , I hate knowing that they ran after "beauty" and did not accept me. Yes , I did not understand that before , but now I know.

I hate the fact that I am not as good as I wanted to be in my job.

And I hate the fact that even though I have been bestowed less in matters of both beauty and brains , yet endowed with so much of feelings often converted into hot headedness and yet they seem quite valid.

I hate it when people think wanting equal rights is feminism. By all means, please remove the Reserved for Ladies seat and replace it with Reserved for the elderely/pregnant.disabled seats.

I hate knowing the fact that even though I have been there for most of my friends they wont be there for me.

I hate it that people nowadays think that prompt reply is not the in thing to do

And I hate advises 'coz I have heard all of them a hundred times before and implemented too.

I feel much relieved now after vomiting all the bile.
But someday , I will like to throttle the one who tricked me.

It is after three years of living by myself that I truly feel alone today.

I look around and there's no one around no one in my room.

I have not isolated myself , yes I do have friends who call me, watsapp me but loneliness is a state of mind.

I can be lonely in a crowd, no one is coming to get me.

All the hopes have shed away ,  all the silver linings gone 

this life seems immense

anything could go wrong

and who would come to rescue me

Oh I am so tired of being my own hero , rescuing myself all the time.

The evil queens were the princesses who were never saved.

A dream - which was never meant to be

Is it funny that I dreamt of you again?
Why is it that whenever I try to throw you out of my life that I see you again
Is it because my sub-conscious still thinks we were meant to be ?
Or am I delving too much into it
Why haven't I liked anyone as much as I liked you?

Is it because , I just can't or that I don't trust my sense of judgement anymore.

I dream of you , that you asked me why I was avoiding you , I said its very hard for me to be just friends with you.
You asked me why?
I said , because I like you.

You smiled me , pulled me closer , your fingers on my waist.
I felt as if I had come home, to the person I belonged to.
All my tensions , my misgivings vanished.. you never said what you felt, but your smile said it all.
And all through the night you wouldn't let me go.

I was by your side and you were by my side.
Its funny how I remember the small details.
It was a breezy night and I was wearing black. Well, so were you.

Then when we were driving back (to home?) our shoulders were touching and even then I felt the need to hold your hand.
It was warm and it felt mine.
There was no fear no tension , just a sense of what was always meant to be. It all seemed real.

And that's when I woke up.
The real world dawned on me , and I realized you are nothing like what  I saw you in the dream.

But what if you were!

Why do people get married?

This might seem a silly question but this is what is confusing me right now.
This is not a question to oppose marriages, but rather the absence of answers.

All my life till a month back I was like cool with the idea of both arranged and love marriages.
I was all for each-to-his-own way, jiyo aur jeene do .

But now I am like , why should we marry.
So there can be a scenario where I am madly in love with a guy and I want to be with him forever.
But is forever really for ever?
Actually its not even marriage I am confused about , its the taam-jham which seems irrational.
Why does the whole world need to know that you are getting hitched?

And woe-begone if you have not fallen in love by 28 :(
How do I give the same amount or more  of love,respect and adoration that my friends get from me , to a guy who I know for only about two to six months? My friends did a lot to  earn that and we do have a lot of camaraderie to warrant that kinda feeling.

Seriously why should I fall in love before 30 and chalk out my whole future? Don't people get any time to mull over such decisions.

And what about the slow ones ?
You can be dyslexic in studies but not in love?

Don't get me wrong I have loved watching all the true blue rom-coms there are , and I have friends who are truly and really committed to each other (who don't make it embarrassing for friends) ..
The only reason I could find is that people want to satisfy societal norms , but why satisfy anyone else before you can satisfy yourself?

Or maybe the answer is much simpler , as what someone said to me " arre yaar sex karne ke liye ;)"